Thursday, November 26, 2009

Bangalore Enveloped in Fog



This pic was shot from my Motorola Cell Camera.

The moment I woke up and looked outside my balcony, I saw hardly any visibility and the entire surrounding was engulfed in fog. It was something I had rarely seen in my life. I could not resist but pull out my cell and capture the scenic imagery outside my balcony.

Its Beautiful!!!!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

She Said 'What A Chop?'

The cool breeze flung across my face as I alighted from the auto and grudgingly headed towards the college to attend my class. I was climbing the stairs when I heard a flurry of words said by the speed of the bullet train of Japan. I heard only King Khan speak faster than that.

Almost instinctively I stopped and looked back as a curly haired girl with piercing eyes and a cell phone clutched in her hand joined me on the stair case. We exchanged customary greetings and walked towards the class, taking a quick sip of water on the way.

The setting was a case discussion which neither of us had read. It was an exception that I had not read it and a regulation that she had not read. We sat together consoling each other that the faculty would ask neither.

My bubble of hope was quickly burst when Sir handed me a sub topic to be explained to the class. I tried my best to make her believe that we both have to explain it but she was shrewd enough to see through my bluff.

We both started reading the part and the cycle for case explanations started. I quickly got through my part which was more or less what Sir had expected. Then began the actual fun…………

I started talking to her regarding all the unimportant topics I could get in my head. Though she was listening but was skeptical about Sir’s presence. Once in a while she would try to stop me from talking. But it was more like a formality rather than a compulsion. She too was enjoying herself.

We had already transferred ourselves to the la-la land of thoughts and only our physical bodies were ominous to the happenings of the class. Our flurry of cooings and thoughts were rudely interrupted when Sir suddenly asked her a question. This came as a bolt from the blue for her.

I looked at her from the corner of my eyes desperately trying to stifle my chuckle which could have evolved into a full blown laughter.

She sat beside me dumbfounded as she was totally oblivious to the happening of the class. It would have been the same case for me if Sir would have asked me. But people say I am lucky, she was not so.

She looked into Sir’s eyes with a wistful smile on her face. I am sure she was heavily ‘galli’fying me for her condition. Sir continued to pester her for an answer and by now her face had turned red and her mind was blank. She sat there like a helpless Dumbo. Sir then realized that it was a waste trying to evoke a response from her and turned his attention towards other souls.

Her ordeal was over only for mine to begin.

With harsh ‘gallis’ and harsher anger she trained her guns towards me, holding me responsible for her ‘suffering’. All I could do is sit there and bear whatever she had to say. Though she never meant a word she said but the very expression of her face would have been enough to give horrible nightmares to toddlers.

Of the many ‘glorious phrases’ she said, my mind picked up the phrase,

‘What a chop?’

My mind suddenly went into an overdrive and I couldn’t restrain myself from asking her its meaning.

She was super pissed to take the effort to explain to me its meaning but I kept on thinking what it meant and her nonstop rants were reminiscent of the nonstop bullets of the Maverick gun of Counter Strike.

Even as I type these lines I am still making an effort to decipher what that word literally means and why did she use it in that context.

Finally a word to my friend: No hard feelings Dost because these are those instances which add and make memories to be cherished for a lifetime……………

Monday, November 9, 2009

Unable To Attract Even A Single Girl, Frustrated Man Sues Axe!!!




In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products. No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her.


“Where the f%*@k is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his
unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light
or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jethmalani said.


Source:http://www.bangalorexpo.com/news/politics/unable-to-attract-even-a-single-girl-frustrated-man-sues-axe/